To develop a growth mindset (going from “Clipboard” you to “Explorer” you), leverage your sense of adventure!
The world’s big and I want to have a good look at it before it gets dark.
John Muir
Develop a Growth Mindset by Exploring-in-Place
In the fall of 2015, I walked into the living room with a test schedule in my hand. My son, Adam, was sitting on the sofa.
“Honey, the next date for taking the SAT is a week from today, and you are all signed up,” I said. “We’ll need to leave here pretty early that morning, so it’s important to get good sleep this week.”
Adam looked up and very nonchalantly said, “Oh, I’m not taking that. I’m good.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I’m good. My scores are fine. I don’t need to take it again.”
I sat down next to him and said, “Well, the great thing is that you can take the test more than once and then combine your best results.”
“Oh, I know,” he said. “I am not going to do that.”
“But, Honey, this is an opportunity to improve your scores which improves your admission odds,” I said.
“My scores are fine, Mom,” he said. “Really. Don’t worry.”
I looked around for a brown paper bag into which I could hyperventilate. How could he not want to maximize his scores and position himself for the most opportunities? From this state of panic, it was a very short leap to worrying whether or not he would get into a good school. And from there, I went straight to imagining him living a life of despair.
What was it about Adam not taking the SAT that flooded my entire system with cortisol and adrenaline? It supported a limiting belief, a deep fear, that somehow Adam was not going to be successful and happy. That he wouldn’t be okay.
I sat with that realization for a while, and then I got curious. Where did that belief come from? Why was my brain sending me high-alert messages? After all, I had zero evidence that Adam wouldn’t be okay. He was intelligent, mature, kind, and a great leader. An Eagle Scout.
My panic was rooted in my own worldview: The path to success is a series of hoop-jumping efforts. We are to figure out what the rules of the game are, follow them to the letter, and perform. Look outward for validation and evidence that we are on track. Hand over intrinsic self-worth in exchange for scores, accolades, and acceptance from others.
As usual, Adam had led me to explore and seek deeper awareness. To release my grip on “being right.” Strangely, once I had settled into this new, oceanic territory, I felt enormous calm and confidence in both of us.
Later, I began referring to this state of being, this version of me, as Explorer Susie (as opposed to Clipboard Susie). I can always tell when I’m playfully in it. My lungs expand as I inhale the world of unlimited possibilities. My brain tingles with ideas and connections—an energetic stance of electric curiosity. I am completely detached from outcomes and self-judgment. The world is a delicious, colorful playpen of potentiality.
The pull from the habit of believing the world of lack and limits is strong, however, and it is easy for me to slip back into old patterns. I created a series of practices to bring me into an explorer’s mindset each time Clipboard Susie comes calling.
Here are the ones that work for me:
How to Develop an Explorer’s Mindset
I like to refer to the choice to develop a growth mindset as the opportunity to experience an explorer’s mindset, because that’s what it is. Through everyday adventure, you can find a new approach.
Steps to Develop a Growth Mindset
1. Put Yourself in Foreign Territory.
This can be as simple as changing the route of your daily walk, your commute to work, or the place where you buy groceries. Of course, you may opt to jump on a plane and fly to a different country, but that is absolutely not necessary. We can choose to immerse ourselves in a brand-new environment at any moment.
Think: what would be a fun way to get a new stamp in my daily passport today?
2. Slow Down to Half Your Typical Speed (and Look).
I seem to be wired to race through the day, the world. With a new consciousness, I find this tendency of mine to be comical. Why the rush? What is it that I think I am going to accomplish at double speed? More times than not, I am trying to outrun a thought that is causing me pain. My frenzy serves as a protective shield from my brain.
When I gear way down, though, I can change my state in an instant. I lift my chin and study the world around me. I notice beauty everywhere—in light and shadows, shapes, colors, and design. I fall into the rhythm of the natural world, a syncopation that aligns with my heartbeat.
3. Leave the Phone & Bring a Journal.
I have a full-on addiction to my phone, a habit that began about twelve years ago when I launched my real estate company. At that time, I was still in my Nuclear Winter period, desperate to find traction and a path out of debt. I needed every single deal to close and developed a toxic relationship with late-night texting with clients, checking email multiple times a day, and taking calls at all hours.
While I have made large strides in liberating myself from my phone, I have much more work to do. I have found that if I leave my phone behind when I go on my morning walk, I immediately feel better. I am present in my own body, more relaxed. When ideas come, I’ll stop to capture them in my pocket journal. I release anticipatory addiction to digital dopamine and let mapping thoughts surface peace and pleasure.
4. Become an Ethnographer Wherever You Are.
During my college years as an anthropology major, I became trained as an ethnographer. An ethnographer meets the world and its inhabitants where they are and lets both reveal their uniqueness through respectful, unbiased participant observation.
An ethnographer is on the dance floor and on the balcony simultaneously, studying and recording the nuances of cultures and communities. She is curious and an empathic listener, knowing that everyone is a teacher. She takes her findings and shares this inquiry into the conditions of human life with the world to further appreciation and understanding, as well as inspire new thinking.
5. Try to Capture the Essence of Someone.
The artist, Hank Virgona, had a compelling way of sketching people. With a small notebook and pen in hand, he would stand on the street in New York City or sit across from people on the subway and capture people going about their daily lives. His unique genius was that in just a few seconds and with rapid, expressive marks in his notebook, he could capture the essence of the person. When you look at a Virgona sketch, you feel as if you’ve known his subject your entire life.
Begin a similar practice. If the idea of sketching fills you with dread, simply study and notice. Make a game of trying to bottle as much of a person’s spirit and nature as you possibly can in as little as 30 seconds. What does your quick study reveal about your understanding of who you are?
6. Study Your Thoughts with Compassion.
It is very easy to fall prey to mind chatter that can send us spiraling into ever more painful thoughts. I have developed a habit of noticing how I feel in my body as my first signal that something is off.
If a twinge of stomach butterflies courses through me or a jolt of panic lands in my chest, I know it is time to stop, sit down, and do a gentle inquiry. I will probe around to identify the specific thought that is making me feel icky. Once I have landed on it, I try to just let it be (and not judge it) before I begin a gentle, compassionate reframing and dismantling process.
As we let ourselves unfold, petal by petal, we find that the explorer’s quest for discovery over following a prescribed path lowers our blood pressure. Steadies the mind. Fills us with self-trust. Allows us to see these challenges as opportunities. We know we have arrived when we release the urgency of proving our position and feel the layers of edgy panic slough off and become dust.