Fear of rejection can be overwhelming—especially when we have the tendency to deeply personalize it and to use it as a weapon to devalue the work we’ve done or the art we’ve created. Rejection hurts, but it cannot control us—once we learn rejection is not a reflection. Once we learn that it has no power over us, we can learn how to not be afraid of rejection.
“I believe that rejection is a blessing because it’s the universe’s way of telling you that there’s something better out there.”
Michelle Phan
I used to cringe and wince in the face of rejection.
If a prospective client chose a competitor, or if a publisher rejected my submission, I’d let my brain gallop into catastrophizing. I’d take the mental leap from thinking he or she simply preferred someone else’s approach to the Chasm of I Have Nothing of Value to Offer the World.
Our brains love to personalize rejection and then leverage it to excuse inaction and self-sabotage. We can “see it as a sign” that we should pause or stop altogether. Make it mean something mean about ourselves.
Learning How to Not Be Afraid of Rejection Means Learning that Rejection Isn’t Bad.
When considering how to not be afraid of rejection, it’s helpful to recognize why it is we’re so afraid of it. Rejection is painful. In fact, according to psychologist Guy Winch, “The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain.”
Rejection, though, can be the very thing we need to experience to surface what it is we are destined to create.
Let’s look at how to not be afraid of rejection through the eyes of artist Kazimir Malevich, who transmuted rejection into rebellion:
“Kazimir Malevich tried entering the Moscow School of Painting, Sculpture, and Architecture three times – all without result. Before becoming one of the most popular and influential painters of the twentieth century, the future founder of Suprematism was considered hopeless and talentless by the professors of this prestigious institution.
In the face of this rejection, Malevich slowly turned into his own unique master, whose artwork was far more varied than almost anything created by his peers. [His] art demonstrate[s] the ingenuity of the twentieth century’s most versatile painter and the many facets of his works. After all, Malevich and his art are much more than complicated geometry and avant-gardism.”
Think back upon your most recent rejection. What did you make it mean about yourself? Did you alter how you feel and think about your talent, intelligence, and/or even your value?
Did you choose to sit out pursuing your dream(s) as a result? Have you embraced the sting of shame and self-doubt?
If so, let’s take a page from Malevich and use this frustration as fodder for creating something that stops the world in its tracks. Let’s learn how to not be afraid of rejection but to leverage it into creative rebellion.
“Whatever happens, I’ll just keep moving forward. Like an avalanche.”
Michelle Phan
How to Not Be Afraid of Rejection: 6 Steps toward Creative Rebellion
1) Write down the icky rejection incident in your journal and include all the hideous details.
2) Capture what you did as a result of being rejected. What were your thoughts? What were your actions?
3) Decide how it is you want to create your own world on your own terms. How do you want to feel and experience the world? Write it all down.
4) Think through and free-write all the ways you can be unapologetic in your presence, expression, and choices.
5) Review your notes and then map out whatever comprises your version of a creative rebellion.
6) Become the freer version of yourself and put your energetic stamp upon the world without waiting for permission or acceptance.
Being turned down feels awful. We can immediately feel as if we have been kicked out of the circle, exiled for eternity.
Rejection, though, can be the best thing that ever happened to us.
When we learn how to not be afraid of rejection, rejection can distill our will and focus us in ways that lead us to our authentic destinies. When we create and live from our aligned, essential natures, we elevate our unique wisdom and voice.
When we learn how to not be afraid of rejection, we find the fire within that burns away the surface matter of spurious fluff, and instead, land on our own two feet standing solidly in our truth. It is then that we inspire and create a new circle, populated by those who are meant to be in our orbit.
