Whether it’s working on the weekend, being perfectionist at home, or feeling consistently obligated toward others, being an over achiever can be punishing. Counter to the message many of us receive in this culture, when we challenge our over achiever tendencies, we not only allow ourselves to achieve more but to achieve more meaningfully. Read on for 7 steps to help you break the over achiever pattern and start doing your best work freely and joyfully.
The thing that unites good writing and good drawing — authentic writing and authentic drawing — is the exploratory line. I can tell when a drawing is the real thing for me because it contains surprise in it and it’s looking for something and you can see that happening in the work. And it’s so magical and ineffable… And the same with writing: it has to have that in it. And you know, I am like a super perfectionistic craftsman about my writing, but in a way that I think, at its best, reinforces that original sort of wandering, exploratory quality.
Sam Anderson
It is 3:14 am, and I am heading out in the dark.
I am not lacing up for a walk illuminated by flashlight; rather, I am heading into the woods of my creative thought. I have powered on my brain and have signaled to it that we are off on an adventure.
It is time to write.
I only have a general idea of where this piece is going. My desire to write to know what I truly think is loosely held. I do not want to spook my brain, overload it with expectations, and/or prematurely push it toward a particular stance or outcome.
This runs counter to my perfectionistic, over achiever tendencies.
I recognize, acknowledge, and then resist the urges from within to “write something amazing.” Instead, I embody my flâneuse persona and let myself wander as if I were exploring the streets of Paris, letting myself get lost on purpose.
What will I discover?
And, what will spark something in the reader?
I used to believe that working more and pushing myself to achieve through draconian discipline would propel me to success. I carried a giant basket of “shoulds” upon my shoulders, hunkered over from the weight of:
“You should work over the weekend and ‘get caught up.'”
“You should ignore your plans and respond to the client who didn’t make an appointment.”
“You should do what they expect, fulfill your obligations.”
“You should put off, delay, or ignore entirely your desire to play, go on adventures.”
“You should take care of everyone else first.”
We are taught that living and working as an over achiever is the path to proving our worth/value. This messaging is so prevalent in Western culture that we are fish swimming in these beliefs, wet and unaware, and certainly not questioning them.
As a recovering over achiever, I can assure you that there is not only an easier way, but one that fills us with a giddiness, a return to being at home inside our skin, and newfound ease. I wrote about reclaiming this happiness in my book, BUOYANT:
How do we find our way back to the desire to create anything we want?
We return to whatever fills the well of inspiration for us. To whatever feels like play. To the work we’d do all day for free because it connects us powerfully to joy and brings us alive. We put down obligation and duty. We remember to protect our sacred energy. We shore up our boundaries and put our agenda first for once. We move our bodies in fresh air and gift ourselves restorative, unplugged time. We allow ourselves quiet to reflect, remember what has been calling to our hearts. Something that may seem frivolous, perhaps too wild. An adventure.
We can bring this exuberant, exploratory energy to every aspect of our work and lives.
But first, we have to bring a discerning eye to how we tend to move in the world.
Challenging the Over Achiever Mindset
Isn’t it odd that we often rush to be right, find “the answer,” cross the task off the list? In this striving mindset of the over achiever, our often-frenetic rushing to finish and get a hit of fleeting self-worth dopamine, we miss the potential of the experience as well as the ability to reveal to ourselves and others new insights.
We simply want to be done, and we want to be right.
As over achievers, we tend to be very uncomfortable in the not knowing space, the space of open loops. In the open loops, though, our brain seeks novel information and connections, like an inchworm swaying the top of its body, back and forth, seeking the branch’s whereabouts for its next step.
When we let ourselves not know, possibilities rush in. We experience the world differently as we entertain ideas, potential paths, and new thinking. Having found a footing aligned with who we truly are, we make bold decisions and take inspired action that propels us forward.
For the entrepreneur and creator, this is when our ideal clients experience us differently. They appear out of the woodwork and sit up and pay attention. (The energy of an explorer is almost irresistible!)
Happily, we can learn this skill and break free from the over achiever mindset.
We can learn how to comfortably surf upon the waves of exploring—in our work and our lives.
How to Become an Explorer
1) Confront the brutal facts of where you are as an over achiever and how you are buried beneath feelings of duty at all costs. Where have you forgotten yourself, what you dream of and desire?
2) Make a list of all of your over achiever “shoulds.”
3) Select at least one of your shoulds to eliminate today. Make a plan. Have the hard conversation. Do whatever it takes.
4) Create a plan to convert the rest of the shoulds into joyful desires that serve your soul and creativity.
5) Decide to become an explorer rather than an over achiever, and apply your new persona everywhere in your life. How can you embrace novel thinking? What do you know for sure (as Twain would say) that just ain’t so?
6) What is your soul craving? Set a timer and write for 5 minutes. Do not let your over achiever voice slip in and censor you.
7) Select one item from your list of cravings and make a plan to make it a reality. How can you transmute your tendency for discipline into desire?
If you’d like more help becoming an explorer, you can grab a copy of BUOYANT and take yourself on a solo adventure. In just a few short weeks, you’ll be moving in the world in an entirely new way.
Let’s embark upon an exhilarating journey, exploring the uncharted territories of our imagination and the edges of our potential in ways your our achiever mindset never let us. Let’s adopt a mindset of curiosity as we traverse beyond the confines of convention and embrace the unknown.
Let’s push boundaries, defy limitations, and craft narratives that resonate with our authenticity.
Embracing the power of exploration is not merely a pursuit of novelty; it’s how we do our best work and live our best lives.